


The Good Touch

by Assidy, ItsClydeBitches



Series: Cassidy's Angels [1]
Category: Preacher (TV)
Genre: Choking the Chicken, Drug Use, Dudes jerking off together, Lubricating the Love Monkey, M/M, Mangling the Midget, Masturbation, Multi, Playing the Single-String Air Guitar, Recreational Drug Use, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2016-07-20
Packaged: 2018-07-25 15:58:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7538911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Assidy/pseuds/Assidy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsClydeBitches/pseuds/ItsClydeBitches
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>DeBlanc and Fiore don't know how to masturbate. Cassidy takes them under his wing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Good Touch

**Author's Note:**

> The first four paragraphs of this fic are a drabble written by [ItsClydeBitches.](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsClydeBitches/pseuds/ItsClydeBitches) This wonderful person is responsible for inspiring this whole thing.

DeBlanc was more than a little shocked to see that skinny fellow when he opened the motel door. His first thought was that he’d gotten the preacher to reconsider... but then he pushed his way inside, pulling a run-down piece of luggage in behind him.

“Right,” Cass said. “Looks like you’re gonna be here a while, so I got you some human amenities to make things more livable.” He began pulling stuff out of the case. “iPod, beer, movies, some opiates—you’re welcome—bubblebath, kinda busted 3DS, extra socks, porn—”

He paused. Fiore and DeBlanc blinked.

“You two figure out masturbation yet?”

Fiore looked him dead in the eyes and in his flat monotone said, "No."

DeBlanc shook his head. "No, masturbation, what's that?"

Cassidy grinned. "Just one o' the central staples of bein' human. A sacred pastime engaged in by every bloke lookin' to know himself."

He sat down on the bed and patted it for DeBlanc and Fiore to sit beside him. "You want me to show you?"

"Yes," Fiore said.

"Yeah, sure, allright," agreed DeBlanc.

"Great!" Cassidy grinned. "First, you gotta set the mood." He dug through his bag of goodies and pulled out the porn DVDs. "We got... Amputee Carnival, Chicks Yellin' at You! Vol. IV, Miko-chan vs. the Octopus Lord, Balls Deep Prisoner Train, Underage Cock Sluts 8, I Fucked Me Mommy XII... But you boys don't have mums , do you..."

"I've never had a mother," Fiore said. "I'm an angel. I was birthed directly from the will of God."

"Okay, Underage Cock Sluts 8 it is," Cassidy said, snapping open the somewhat sticky case. "Don't worry, they're not underage, it's all just marketin'. Real classic, this one is."

He popped the DVD in the hotel room TV and spent a few minutes figuring out the remote. DeBlanc and Fiore stared patiently at the screen while he cycled through input options.

A garish pink menu filled the screen. Cassidy made a noise of triumph and selected "PLAY."

The angels stared at the images and sounds of the screen for a moment.

"Is that fornication?" Fiore asked slowly.

"Mate, you wouldn't know fornication if it plowed you in the arse," Cassidy replied.

He rummaged in the suitcase. "Next! You have yerself a good drink o' Jacky D."

Cassidy took a swig of the whiskey and passed it to DeBlanc. DeBlanc smelled it and asked, "Is this alcohol?"

Fiore said, "We can't drink alcohol. We're angels."

"This is the stuff o' life, is what this is!" Cassidy said. "Absolutely vital fer anyone wantin' to survive on the mortal plane."

DeBlanc gave him a doubtful look.

"Listen. This here is medication. Cure for all that ails ya."

DeBlanc looked at Cassidy suspiciously, then took a sip. He drew back his lips at it and shook his head. Then he took a few sips more.

"Now share that with yer mate, " Cassidy admonished, gesturing like a mother.

DeBlanc passed the bottle to Fiore and nodded at him. Without closing his eyes, Fiore took a drink: A stiff, straight up-and-down motion he repeated several times before Cassidy gestured to have the bottle passed back to himself. He took a couple good swigs, set the bottle down, and said, "Now this here isn't so necessary, but it makes it much more fun."

He took out a glass pipe. "Now we do have some opiates, but that can make it hard to finish the job. We're stickin' with me good old friend Mary Jane."

"Is someone else joining us?" Fiore asked.

"Just an expression, mate," Cassidy replied. "So you put it into the bowl like this, see, don't pack it down too tight."

He put the pipe to his lips and mumbled, "Now watch me timin' with me breathin' and me fingers, and pay attention to what the fire is doin'." He leaned forward so the angels could see as he took a hit.

Cassidy coughed once and passed the pipe and lighter to DeBlanc. DeBlanc mimicked his motions, but couldn't get the lighter to light. He and Fiore looked at each other, and then the shorter angel passed the equipment to the taller one. Fiore likewise flicked the lighter ineffectively until Cassidy said, "Oh fer chrissake , I gotcha." He crouched in front of him and flicked the lighter on. "Now hold yer finger over that hole... Breathe in... Breathe in... Now keep breathin' in and let go."

Fiore took in a huge hit without blinking. He let the smoke back out, perfectly stoic.

"Good, good, that was a good hit, yeah, " Cassidy said. "Now you."

DeBlanc let Cassidy walk him through just like his partner. He took in a large hit and immediately started to cough and choke.

"DeBlanc? Are you all right" Fiore asked.

"He's fine," Cassidy said as DeBlanc continued to cough, his eyes watering. Cassidy patted and rubbed his back. "Bit harsh for you, mate? Have another drink o' Jack."

DeBlanc choked down some whiskey and held the bottle like a lifeline.

Cassidy took another hit, and passed the pipe to Fiore. He spent a moment showing Fiore how to use the lighter, and then the angel took a hit on his own.

DeBlanc looked very doubtful when Fiore turned to him with the pipe.

"You can do it, mate," Cassidy encouraged.

"I learned how to use the lighter," Fiore agreed.

DeBlanc reluctantly took the pipe and allowed Fiore to light it for him. He took a hit and spent the next few minutes coughing over the whiskey while Cassidy and Fiore shared one last hit.

"Okay," Cassidy grinned. "Startin' to feel it?"

DeBlanc looked up from where he was hunched over the bottle with wide eyes. Fiore stared at him unflappably, just as stoic as ever.

"So, just a couple more supplies," Cassidy said, picking out the items. "You need yer lube... And a sock."

Cassidy passed out the extra socks and placed a jar of Vaseline between DeBlanc's legs.

"Now we take a good hard look at our lady friends on the screen there, and unzip our flies."

"Excuse me?" DeBlanc said.

"He said we unzip our flies," Fiore supplied.

"That's right. Take it out. Like this," Cassidy said, demonstrating.

DeBlanc and Fiore followed suit.

"Now there are different ways to do this. I've got more than a hundred years of experience under me belt. You start to develop... tastes. But I'll start you off simple."

He hefted his spam dagger and shifted so they could have a good view. They leaned over to look.

"Now first and most importantly, relax. Take yer time with yerself. These ladies on the screen aren't goin' nowhere. Give yerself the attention you deserve."

The angels nodded, rapt.

"Let's all get a good bit o' Vaseline... There ya go... Fiore, take more, you got a big wanker, you'll need it... And take yerself in yer hand. Gently, now. Very good. Now start rubbin' and caressin', wake it up."

The angels both fumbled with themselves. Fiore copied Cassidy perfectly, almost immediately beginning to get hard. DeBlanc got an awkward grip and shook himself ineffectivly side to side.

"No, like this," Fiore said, taking DeBlanc's spunknozzle into his hand for him. He stroked him lightly.

"Aye, and touch his balls as well," Cassidy advised.

DeBlanc looked back and forth at them with wide eyes. He whimpered a little. He started to get hard.

"There you go, that's what yer lookin' for. Get good and stiff. Fiore, let him take over. And how you comin' along yerself? Good, good. That's a grower, it is. Now keep on strokin', and don't you mind what I'm doin' with this spoon here, I told you, after a hundred years you develop tastes..."

The angels continued fiddling their flesh flutes. DeBlanc copied what Fiore had been doing with his balls. His head dropped low, breath becoming shallow. Fiore continued to stare straight ahead.

"There you go, you two are doin' it right, yer gettin' hard. Either of you been hard before?"

"N..no, ah, no, I haven't..." DeBlanc stammered.

"Yes," Fiore said.

To Fiore, Cassidy said, "Well, that's just lovely. When do you get hard?"

"When I'm looking at him," Fiore answered, turning his head to DeBlanc.

"Brilliant," Cassidy grinned. "Now keep at it, you two are doin' good, yer wakin' yerselves up, just keep goin' and don't mind what I'm doin' with these hamburger buns, that's too advanced for ya... Does it feel good?"

"It, ah, I, uh, don't quite know," DeBlanc replied, biting his lip and doubling over. "It's, uh... I don't..."

"Yes," Fiore said.

"Trust me here," Cassidy said, patting DeBlanc's trembling shoulder. "This feels good."

Cassidy got himself some more Vaseline and said, "Now that yer hard, you start to work yerself more vigorously. Grip yerself a little more firmly and stroke all the way from base to tip. Do it like me, but don't mind what I'm doin' with this baby aspirin, like I said, it's been a hundred years of tryin' to maintain interest in me own right hand..."

Fiore moved his hand in perfectly even rhythm like a piston. DeBlanc jerked himself with firm but somewhat ragged thrusts, yelping a little.

"Now keep at it... Bit faster... DeBlanc, don't back off from it, keep goin'... Fiore, good job, but don't be afraid to switch it up a bit... And just ignore this unicorn, it's totally unnecessary and frankly a bit perverse even by my standards, but like I said, it's been a hundred years tryin' to keep things fresh..."

Fiore sat perfectly straight as he choked his chimichanga, staring ahead. DeBlanc, on the other hand, was falling to pieces. Fiore patted his shoulder the way he had seen Cassidy do.

"Now when yer gettin' close you feel it... You take yer sock, put it against yer tip like this... And then... Ahhhh, " he groaned, spilling into the sock. He gave his unicorn a quick kiss. "Now you two do the same. DeBlanc, you look about on the edge, now keep that speed up, don't back down."

DeBlanc gasped and shuddered toward the grand finale and then shot off his fireworks with a small cry.

Moments later, Fiore looked down at his sock as he evicted his white soldiers into it. He turned his head towards Cassidy, lifting the sock and pointing at it. "Like this?" he asked.

"Yeah, yeah, just like that," Cassidy smiled. "Good job, you two. Good show. Now you use the sock to clean up anything that's left, and you toss 'em with yer laundry."

Fiore cleaned himself off, and then reached over and cleaned off DeBlanc, who was leaning on his knees and shaking.

Cassidy rummaged again in the suitcase. "And then THIS is where the opiates come in."

He took out three syringes and a small bottle. "Now, we're all somewhat immortal here, but that doesn't make it all right to share needles. Always do one per person. You fill it up to this line..." Cassidy did so as he talked "...flick it to get the air bubbles out, and find yerself a good vein to stick it in."

Cassidy injected himself and sighed. "Now you."

DeBlanc followed suit. "Oh," he said. He wavered and let himself flop back on the bed.

Fiore took the injection, folded his hands, and laid down on his back, open eyes gazing indiscernably at the ceiling.

Cassidy nodded approvingly and put the iPod on progressive rock.

"Now you can just lay there and let the ceilin' sing to ya. Or this is a good time to take out the iPod and 3DS. I'm rather partial to Kirby meself. Little round fella flappin' across yer screen, he's just adorable, 'e is. Here ya go, Fiore. And DeBlanc, you try Robot Unicorn Attack II on the iPod."

Fiore took the DS3 and immediately began tapping the screen. DeBlanc briefly held the iPod above his face, but then let his hand drop and lolled at the ceiling.

"Good enough then. You just enjoy Pink Floyd."

Cassidy stood, stretched, and spent a moment grinning at the two blissed-out angels.

"Now if you boys will excuse me, I'm gonna go have some personal time with this unicorn here. You two have fun, and don't forget to wash yer hands before you eat."

**Author's Note:**

> Chicks Yelling at You! Vol. IV is from [String Theory.](http://www.stringtheorycomic.com)
> 
> I'm thinking of writing a sequel where Cassidy teaches them how to have sex with each other, and then another where he introduces them to BDSM. Want to see something specific? Let me know in the comments!


End file.
